Walk a mile in my shoes
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Personal Stories

Tia's Story

I had been feeling achy for days, i was at work and became aware of clear liquid coming from me, I wasn't sure what to think, this was my first pregnancy.

As pain got worse to sit down or even stand, i phoned the hospital and they told me i was not in labour and to take some tablets and come in tomorrow if not any better. I went to bed that night and woke up in the early hours in such pain i couldn't do anything to help the pain so i had a bath, i remember laying there crying holding my belly saying please don't leave me over and over, my mum came in and asked what was wrong, she looked so worried.

I then was getting what must have been contractions and my dad saying 'you wait till your in labour that's bad' not knowing i was actually in labour i just chucked some clothes on and headed for the hospital.

I must admit i never thought they'd tell me what they were about to, i was quite exited in a strange way because i loved getting scanned or anything to do with my girls.

I was examined and told I had gone into early labour i was 1cm dilated and had a cervical stitch put in to help keep them safe until the end,even at this point i never thought it was as serious as it was, but my contractions got worse so was told i had to have it removed otherwise my cervix would be ripped open. I was told there was nothing they could do and they cannot survive, when i was told i couldn't understand what he was saying and he left the room, so was puzzled, i prayed they would stay or at least one, i was told when they took stitch out that one of the baby's sacs had broken and a foot was out.

All I could do is lay waiting knowing there future, they took two days to be born it was a unbearable wait, i cant explain what it was like still feeling them move knowing they were going to die, all i want to do is protect my babies i felt so useless. I know that they did not want to leave me they held on so long to try to stay but they were just to innocent and small for this world.

I became very ill during labour, Ella meaning beautiful fairy women was born first at 2.42am and weighed 420g Jaya meaning victory was born at 2.49am and weighed only 415g.

I was so scared about what they would look like i wanted them dressed before i met them, which i now regret as i should have held them while they passed i remember when ella came out my mum just said aaww, they were perfect.

They was brought out to me 4 hours after i gave birth holding hands, they were so beautiful, my first words were ''there so beautiful, i cant believe there mine'', I was so proud of them both and still am.

It was strange they were exactly how i imagined when i saw them but obviously smaller, seeing my girls just felt so right and real for the first time in my life, nothing has ever compared to this. They were my daughters, my everything my future, my happiest memories i will ever have was being pregnant with these girls i had so many plans for us they were so loved.

They both had dark hair the cutest button noses and there daddy's lips. When i first saw them i was so happy to see them and so proud they were mine they were sleeping angels, so beautiful. They looked just like me and their Daddy!

When i held Ella her nose started running it was so sweet, i got really upset because they were both so cold i just wanted to take care of them and keep them safe and warm.

I never got to say hello or even goodbye i miss them so much! They were taken so quickly from this world!

No other words could describe them other than beautiful, so I had James Blunt-Your beautiful played at the funeral it was a perfect song for my girls, it was such a nice service, I had Ella and Jaya put together in their little white coffin, they were sent to heaven together, in all the scans they were always touching each other, they were best friends from the start and will now be together forever.

I don't know what ill do without you both your so perfect and beautiful your everything i dreamed you would be, my heart is broken without you and no matter how hard i try it will never be fixed or replaced, you are my little girls i love you so much so look after each other and watch down on mummy and daddy until we will be together, one sweet day.

Click here to see Tia's Photo Memories

About Memories

The memories one creates during the time of loss are very different and unique to every individual.

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