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Personal Stories

Cathy's Story

It was the morning of New Years Eve 2006 when our world came crashing down and was changed forever. Our much longed for little boy Adam Lee Milburn died at 31 wks into my pregnancy. We had been trying for 5 years during which I suffered 2 previous early miscarriages so when we were blessed to fall pregnant again, and got through the 12wk scan with no problems, we were over the moon. We were finally going to have a little brother or sister for Peter. How little did we know that things can go so wrong.

Looking back I really don't know how we got through those early days. I remember taking the tablet and going home, only to be told to come back two days later to give birth. I didn't even twig that I would have to give birth to my little boy, knowing that he would never cry, move, or look up at me with beautiful baby eyes. But undoubtedly, the hardest thing I have ever had to do was tell my little 7yr old that his baby brother had died. I felt like I needed to protect him, like I needed to protect them both for as long as I could but I couldn't. He was heartbroken again and I couldn't do anything to protect him from it, just hug him while we all cried.

New years eve will never be the same in our home. We lay in bed that night wondering how we were going to be able to get through the next few days, let alone weeks and months, only to receive lots of 'happy new year' texts at the stroke of midnight. To this day, I will be haunted by texts entering into the new year. We somehow got through new year's day and went back to hospital on the following morning. Adam arrived by early afternoon and he was perfect. The time we were able to spend with him was priceless and I wouldn't have given it up for the world. We spent the next 2 days creating what memories we could in the time that we had until finally we had to say goodbye. I just couldn't let him go, I tried but I wanted to keep him safe and warm and just couldn't let him go. But as always, time runs out and we finally said our last goodbye before leaving the hospital without him. For the longest time it seemed that everyone around us was moving but we were just standing still. It's amazing how you can be surrounded by people but feel very much alone. The journey we have been on, I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It has been the hardest time of my life and it's taken me a long time to be able to tell my story without falling apart. But a few years down the road I can honestly say that we are coming out the other end as a stronger, more determined family and Adam will always be a huge part of this family.

My little man has made me want to be a better wife, a better mother and a better friend. Life is so hard sometimes and things happen for no apparent reason. But I know everything happens for a reason, even if we have to wait before we can find out what that reason is. I want to live my life in such a way that he will always be proud of his mummy and I have no doubt that we will be together again as a family. He is never very far away and blows down kisses, especially when I need them most.

Thank you for choosing us x

"Like a Rainbow you are beautiful, always remembered and a gift from God"

Mummy xxx

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